When Hercules, beside the Lake
Of Lerna, cut to pieces
The many-headed water snake--
(That venom-breathing species),
The Mog, rejoicing, danced around,
Of Dignity divested;
But Persons of Discernment frowned
And solemnly protested,
"That Hercules, in having wrought
The Hydra's dissolution
Without a Warrant, set at naught
The Grecian Constitution!"
When Hercules prepared to cleanse
The rank Augean stables,
A thousand scribes with fountain pens
Were busy at their tables.
They wrote him down "A Theorist"
(He did not think as they did);
They called him "Blatant Egotist"
Because he worked, unaided;
They said, "This 'Cleansing' Fad has grown
A Curse that needs repressing.
Why can't he leave this Thing alone?--
The Smell is so distressing!"
When Hercules ensnared the grim
Wild Boar of Erymanthus,
They did not pin one Rose on him
Nor yet one Polyanthus.
"This 'Feat,'" they said, "is not the least
Amazing or surprising;
Besides, he only caught the beast
To get some Advertising!
"His Methods are Undignified
And Tactless!" (That was stinging!)
"A Cultured Person would have tried
To soothe the Brute by singing!"
But Hercules, with faith sublime,
Pursued his many labors.
He said he had a Corking Time,
And loved the pleasant Neighbors.
For some are born to set things right,
While some are built for sneering,
And he that likes to work and fight
Must never mind the jeering.
So here's a health to Hercules
And all his Working Brothers!
The Lofty Few they fail to please,
Perhaps--but there are Others!
